I found an old journal while I was cleaning. I laughed while I was reading it, so I'm gonna transcribe the entries here. Just as they were in my diary, except for the shitty cursive. In bold will be my comments about each entry.

3-30-00
Dear diary, today was the greatest day of my life. I just got a new boyfriend! He is in fith grade and his name is Billy F. I think he is realy cute. He has short blondish hair and is skinny. We went to a officer phil show today. There was some magic. I liked it alot. That was my day. It was great.
Wow. Repetitive much? Apparently it was a really great day. Now when did we decide Billy was my boyfriend...?

3-31-00
Dear diary, today was a great day. I got my report card today. I went down in math. I went from B+ to C+. All the rest of my grades either went up or stayed the same. I'm happy about just about all of my grades. My report card was a realy good one. I've gotten better ones though. That was my day!
Apparently I couldn't spell "really", like, ever. *sigh* These entries read like a really horrible second grade essay.

4-1-00 (april fools day)
Dear diary, today was a bumer. I had no good jokes to play. No one even played a joke on me! That was sort of a releif. Last "April Fools Day" my dad played the biggest joke on me. He put a cover on a bowl and said it was spegeti. I opened it and it was filled with worms! This is the worst day ever.
This one makes me laugh the hardest, I think. First off, it has the most spelling problems. And second off... Apparently I even lied to my own diary! My dad never did anything like that! Once he gave me one of those cans with the spring-worm thing that jumps out at you. Once. But that didn't even really count.
Also, since when does a fail!April Fools Day constitute the worst day ever? Oh, silly, naïve little Erin...

4-28-00
Dear diary, I'm very sorry I haven't written in you for so long. don't think I've forgotten about you I just havn't had unuff time. Today is my dads b-day. I hope he likes my card. that's just what today is like.
I also couldn't spell "haven't". I guess that "e" just got on my nerves and I decided to eat it. Do diaries have emotions and thoughts? I seem to think mine did...

5-19-00
Dear Diary, today I have to clean my room, so I'll make it quick. School was fun. We did Mathamatics in MCAS today. That was my day so far.
Did I really feel the need for this entry...? Pourquoi...? D: I must have found it while cleaning, like I did today, and decided to write in it.

11-4-00 12:15
Dear diary, I'm sorry for not writing in you. My cousins are coming over later today. My dad went to get lunch. I'll write in you a little later to tell you how the day went. bye.
LIES! ALL LIES! YOU WON'T WRITE IN THE DAMN DIARY LATER! IT TAKES YOU A WHOLE DAY TO WRITE AGAIN, YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE CHILD! HOW COULD YOU HURT THE POOR DIARY'S FEELINGS WITH SUCH A LIE?! okay I'm done...

11-5-00 8:38 AM
Dear Diary. My cousins didn't come over yesterday but they promise to come over later today. Ritight after church. They live 45 min. away so their leaving at 10:30. So they should be here when we get home from church.
Improper use of "their". *twitch*

11-5-00 5÷18 PM
Dear Diary, I guess our plans changed a bit. I went to my cousins house instead. I was treated as if I was kidnapped They tired to me a chair + covered me with a blanket. All too soon I had to go. Erin H
So thaat's why I have a bondage fetish... It all makes sense now! Also, why did I sign my name on this one?

4-30-02
I'm back. Tom doesn't seem to like me any more. I havn't written because I lost the key! I found it 1 week ago Spanish sucks + so does mr. hart. I'm takin' French! see ya
Tom who? Tom my cousin? Tom the smelly kid at school? Give me details, midget! DETAILS! I KNOW THE PAGES ARE SMALL BUT C'MON! Mr Hart did suck ass, though. Probably quite literally. He was a wicked sketch, and failed at teaching.

3-13-03
Heyo! This time I lost the book + the key. French rocks. I'm 'n chorus + am learning 'Step in Time' from Mary Poppins. Hiei, Tristen, Vegita, Chibodee, Shwartz, Kyoji, Malik, Koji, Kai, Phantom Renagage + Space Medafighter X r my favorite cartoon characters. I can't wait until I can have a true bf. Then I know it will )hopefully) be Andrew Gorman. I'm doing the lip sync to Cold as Ice. I hope me, Chrisst, and Katie get in !! (smiley face exclamation points)
SEE YAH!! (bubble+smiley exclamation points)
That's quite the list I put in there. I'm somewhat impressed that I spelled Chibodee correctly, though, as my screen name Jibbitessa was based off the fact that I thought "Chibodee" was spelled "Jibbitee" and wanted a feminine form of his name 'cause apparently he was all that and a bag of cookies.

2-9-06
Wow, this surprises me so much. At ten I had a bf? I don't really remember Billy, or considering him my bf. Oh well. And I 'knew' Andrew was gonna be my bf? Ha! I got his cousin. <3 Btw, I lost the key so I hammered the lost until it broke. XD
I didn't comment on the Andrew thing in the previous entry, because I commented on it here. And it pretty much sums up how I feel now, three years after this entry. Though I've certainly changed a bit. I don't have a boyfriend at all, do I? I have a kiwi. ^^ I did, actually, smash the lock with a hammer until it broke. I forgot about that until I read this entry, though, and was just staring at the lock like "wtf?!" haha

I already posted a journal on dA today, so I'll write about my dream here instead.

So, it started off that I was in a group of friends trying to find our friend Miwa, 'cause she was gonna take us for a ride in her horse-drawn carriage. We pushed past all sorta of people waiting in line, and when we finally got to her, she had left her horse downstairs and there was only a goat where her horse shoulda been.

So we went back downstairs, and we wandering through another friend's house. I'm just gonna assume this was JDee, based off of what happens later, though it looked nothing like her. All but one friend (I think Chrissy) leaves and it's just the three of us hanging out in her house. I'm flirting hardcore with JDee, and Chrissy gets annoyed and walks off.

JDee goes to the store, and I stay behind when my mum calls. She tells me that I need to just tell her how I feel. Admit my feelings and stop beating around the bush and hurting her. "Her" meaning JDee, not my mum. o_O; She says that JDee's mum had called her and told her that JDee kept talking about how in love she was with me and she just hopes that I feel the same and stuff like that. It was weird.

So I go to the store to find her, and end up picking up some things to buy. When we put everything on the counter, she pays for it all. I'm holding some weird marshamllows rope, and I wave it around a bit and am like "When the fuck did I pick this up? You want it. o_O" and she just puts it on the counter and laughs, saying that she needs to buy me chocolate. So I hug her from behind and tell her that that's my job.

She leans back, and I kiss her, while our moms are watching and I'm just thinking "Ha! This is almost the same as telling her I return her feelings, now our parents don't need to worry."

And then I guessed we just hugged each other some more and then I woke up.

I think the weirdest part was that it was some girl with black hair, kinda short, and definitely didn't look like JDee, except for maybe her face. But it had to be, 'cause I definitely don't like any other girls, and I remember thinking it was her at one point in the dream. *shrug*

Also, it's the first time I've ever dreamt about liking a girl. Which was also kinda weird, but I'm not gonna complain. XD

I don't think any of my family reads my LJ. So I'll use this place to gush.

So... I kinda sorta have a girlfriend now. Unfortunately she lives sooo far away (and no I'm not exaggerating). She keeps me up until the sun rises and has murdered my sleep schedule, but I'm okay with that as long as I get to talk to her. She makes me smile no matter what I may be feeling.

My one wish is that I could have the job and the money so she wouldn't have to worry about anything but getting her visa to visit. I'm a lot like my dad in that way. I want to just do everything for the people I love. Pay for everything, do everything, take care of her and let her just laze about and start that bar she wants.

This undying urge kind of makes being a poor college student suck, though. I'm totally tempted to just drop out to get a full time job, but that would be a shitty choice in the long run. I need to finish school so I can get a better job in the field and some day, hopefully, be designing the labels for some vodka company somewhere.

ANYWAYS back to the topic of this journal. I fucking love my adorable old kiwi. Everyone else seemed to figure it out before I did. I think Chrissy was the first to mention it to me over Thanksgiving break. She told me how obvious it was that I liked her, when I would smile at every text and with how much I talked about her I'm sure. XD And she told me how cute it would be if we were to be together, and I insisted it would never happen, that JDee didn't like me like that she was just a flirt and acting that way because I was Doku or something like that...

But no one else seemed to agree with me on that front. But I was wrong anyways. And now every time I think about it, I feel like a little girl and my heart inflates and it feels really lame and mushy but she makes me so happy (aside from the fact that I won't be able to hold her in my arms until next year, that makes me sad).

But... She posted her announcement on dA, and since I don't know if my family reads that, I can't. T__T So I'm posting it here. Where the two people that matter that don't know yet can read it.

I ramble way too much...

Leave me a comment saying "Failgasm"
I'll respond by asking you five questions so i can get to know you better.
Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.

These questions are from A TENTACLE MONSTER

1. What saiyuki couple is your favorite? (besides Kou/Doku LOL)
Awww, besides KouDoku...? Well, I used to be really big on Gojyo/Goku. Brain is malfunctioning, so I dun remember the numbers right now. XD Now I feel like Goku is waaay to innocent for Gojyo, so I guess that doesn't count 'cause I don't -still- like it... Other than that I'm amused by the godly threesome, 'cause of all their possible kinks. :D

2. What would you do if I visited you? (which of course I plan to and don't think I won't remember this!! )
I'd make sure I had money, first off. I'd drag you to one of the many Asian restaurants in Boston, take you to Condom World, and then... I dunno. XD You'd hang out. That's really all I ever do is hang out, and it tends to be a lot of fun. OH AND RADIO SHOW IF YOU WERE HERE ON A WEEKDAY

3. Whats one place you REALLY want to visit that isn't a person?
Korea. I watch waaayy too much 1N2D to not want to visit. But I don't speak enough Korean yet to visit any time soon.

4. Whats your favorite color? (D8 it's for a good reason and not a cop out LOL)
Uhm... Purple, grey, or green? o_o

5. If you could play any other character in the group who would it be?
Hmmm... I'm not sure anymore. Nii would be kinda fun, though I don't recall enough of the Ukoku bits of his story to do it. I used to think it'd be fun to be Gojyo, but now I don't think I could do it. XD Maybe Sanzo...

I figured the perfect update for an underused blog, would be to tell everyone the big news.

I fucking hate my life, want to die, all over some stupid fucking loan.

I've been informed by three different loan companies that my parents' credit score sucks too bad for me to get a loan to go to college. So unless I magically find some loan shit that'll accept me, I can't go to college this semester.

Which means I can't see my friends. Which means if I keep going, I graduate late and pay more money in the long run.

Which means if I have to murder someone or whore myself out to get the money to go, I would totally fucking do it.

If I don't go this semester, I don't particularly plan on going back at all.

So much for moving back on the 7th. ¬¬ Look out for my name in the obituaries, or on the news. Death sounds real good about now, no matter whose it is.

EDIT:: I'm way too lazy to figure out what's wrong with the code.

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O_O I wasn't aware I answered any question that relate me to Giovanni... the fu? How do I go from Tracey to Gio? @_@

My body has started to become addicted to getting enough sleep, and will refuse wholeheartedly when I wish to wake up after less than 8 hours.

This is a problem.

It is also a problem that I've found out that I can train myself to sleep through sounds. If I ignore it often enough, I will begin to ignore it automatically and not wake up.

I have been ignoring my alarm.

Oh, and I can't fall asleep before 2:00am.

Good thing I only have a couple more days of classes...

I'll use this because no one reads it, and I don't really need input on the situation, I just want to put it down on paper. Or whatever. Writing stuff down helps me think, and I like to give off the impression to myself that I'm actually telling people this, when I know no one actually cares about me ranting.

So I was talking to Kamal today... And I forget how the conversation go to this point, but he asked me "You sound like you want me to ask you out. Do you like me or something?" to which I responded "That's a dangerous question. o_o If I said yes, would you stop talking to me?"

Again, I fail, and I was using Corrie's computer so I don't have a chat log, so I forget what he responded to that. However, when I came back downstairs, I asked him about it. He told me that I reminded him of him when he likes someone. How I'm more clingy, I text more, stuff like that.

He told me that it might be hard for him to change his mind, because he finds it difficult to date friends just because he's tried in the past and it hasn't worked. But he did tell me I had all of the things he looks for in a girl, so I did have a chance. Just don't try too hard.

Which means... He just told me that I had a chance. A slim one, because we're such close friends, and he's so close with all of my friends, but.. That's the best answer I could ever expect.

My only problem now is that I don't know how to act around him... Do I stop hugging him all the time, now that I know that he'll know I'm hugging him because I like him? @_@ I don't know how this works. I've never had a guy know I like him, and not make a change of some sort based off of it.

My heart's been pounding because of it, though.

I wasn't tagged but I wanna do it anyways.

( Don't Click! )

Is it weird that I refer to Lasell as my home, now? I've only spent one semester of my life there, but I think even after a few weeks it felt like home. I guess that's proof that I made a good college choice.

I'm not sure how close I am to being finished packing. I know I have all my clean clothes, and my bed stuff... And then the little things I brought home with me that make Lasell a little more like it really is home.

Forty-five minutes. That's about how long I have left in this house. I don't plan on returning too often this semester. I want to spend more time with the VIPs. To make sure I get in on all of their adventures, and don't lose my place amongst them.

We're like a family. We eat, sleep and live together. If we could, I think for the most part we would do everything together. We notice each others flaws, and despite how annoying they might be, we stick by each other. We've grown closer in one semester than I'm sure any of us have been with any of our friend "back home".

Which is not to say I don't miss all of my friends "back home". Even now I miss them dearly. I haven't spent nearly as much time with Kati as I would've liked. I miss our summer days when every day we saw each other, and missed each other on the days when we didn't hang out.

I hardly hung out with Derek, and he's probably one of my closest friends. We tell each other everything, which is somewhat creepy when you consider that he's a boy, and I can complain to him about having my period and he wouldn't care.

Andrew, Chrissy, Chris, Ammy... I only saw each of them not even a handful of times. Maybe once or twice. I didn't try as I should have to see them, I know that. Which, I suppose, gives me no right no complain, but I miss them and wish I had seen them more. I don't won't to lose that aspect of my life. I don't want to lose them, but I think it's already beginning.

Thirty-seven minutes and I'm gone. I'll miss home, but I'm glad to get back to my family away from my family- my home away from home.